Photo: ABC
A lot has happened in the last 20 years. Roseanne went off the air in 1997, life improved for a little while, then things got pretty weird, and so now Roseanne is back to fix us up again.
That’s right, the classic Conner family drama, easily the most brutally honest comedy of our youth, is back as Roseanne Barr reprises her role as the Midwestern mother you never had (and thank the heavens every day), John Goodman is alive and well, back from the dead. We have plenty of new faces to greet and old ones to re-meet, but in case you were wondering how long it’s been, little D.J. is 36 now.
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Watch as we recap the finest moments of the original and remind you just what you missed, then drop a few hints on what to expect with the reboot. We’ll give you a few freebies now: The cast liked the original ending so go suck it. Roseanne Barr is a Republican in real life, and that’ll fit into the reboot somehow. And, most importantly, the Conners are back on the same couch, putting each other down in the same kitchen (kind of), a little diversity this time through and two (count ’em, two) Beckys. Alright, now things are going to get weird. The only question that remains: What has become of Johnny Galecki?
Roseanne returns with nine new episodes on ABC on March 27, which you can stream with Hulu.
Roseanne
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Return Home to the Warmest Family...
OK, maybe "warmest" wasn't the right word choice. Honest, definitely. Nothing but butt jokes and honest family resentment in the Conner household.
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....With The Mother You Never Had
She calls them like she sees them, and she sees nothing but ugly.
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Those Loving, Supportive Parents You Wish You Had
It's been more than 20 years since the finale, and yet the Conner parents are only 65 today. That doesn't mean they'll be any less crude.
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Witness Some Physical Abuse...
Yes, Dan is alive. What would an episode of Roseanne be if she wasn't hitting him or at least dreaming of murdering him?
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...OK, A Lot of Physical Abuse...
Or remember the time they were partners in crime with a little public abuse?
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Remember the Ups...
Remember when Jackie couldn't shut her mouth when they won the lottery? That was back when the lottery was like $1 million. Now it's almost more than Bill Gates's stash.
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...And the Downs
Somehow things were always funnier when they were going badly at the Conner residence. That's where Roseanne shines.
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Catch Up With Family Night
If you've forgotten what it's like to be a part of a normal dysfunctional family, a night with the Conners will do you well.
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Smell What Darlene's Smelling
Darlene didn't just teach us early on that women don't have to ditch their baseball glove for a kitchen apron, but she could also sniff out a fart from an incredibly distance.
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Ask Life's Big Questions With D.J.
Well, he's 36 now so hopefully the ones about where babies come from have been sussed out. In fact, it looks like he might have a kid of his own.
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Get Told Where to Go By Jackie
Yes, Laurie Metcalf is back and she's going to talk like a crazy person, get told she's a crazy person, then storm out of the room. Just you wait.
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Maybe Catch a Couple Guest Stars
George Clooney isn't rumored to be back, but there are some rumors in the mill, one of which we'll give you at the end.
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But Mostly Fall Into a Deep Binge
There's nothing like a good binge, especially if it's on the Conner couch where all things, good and bad, have happened the last 30 years. There are rumored to be nine episodes so that's like one afternoon for you people.
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Remember the Horrors of Marriage
Roseanne was always good for scaring us away from marriage. But not chocolate.
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Set a Diet Plan...
Speaking of chocolate. Roseanne was always a very inspired person who had lots of great ideas...
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...Then Immediately Break It
...Then she quickly realized she's married in the midwest and went back to eating and drinking copious amounts.
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Remember the Horrors of Parenting
The only thing this show made us fear more than marriage was having kids. The reboot will have plenty of them, though, as we get a look at Darlene's kid and a possible surrogate situation.
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So Get Ready to Dig In
The Conners are back, and they're getting real weird with it this time. Expect the same kitchen, albeit a bit cleaner and brighter, along with the same fat jokes.
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And Expect Some Timely Political Jokes
Photo: ABC
See what the Conners think about Trump. Although Roseanne is Republican, for a midwestern wife with too many kids, it'll be interesting to see where they go with this.
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Sit Around the Couch Like the Old Days
Photo: ABC
Well, we hope they got a new couch, but it sure looks like the flea-infested original, where all feelings of heart are shared, mostly sloth and sarcasm.
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Wait, TWO Beckys!?
Photo: ABC
TWO Beckys?!? Since they tried to pull the old bait and switch on us on the original show (which nobody bought), they kindly brought both Beckys back in a fun way. No, they're not lesbians, but they will be talking babies together.
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But Get Ready, She's Bringing Her Laugh With Her
You know that sound. Here's comes Rosie!
