Photo: Martyn Goodacre/Getty Images
Of all the bands that need to stop touring and quit already, these terribly brutal ’90s bands take the cake as they continue to infect our brains today. While we’re sensitive to the hard work, dedication and integrity of the artist, it’s hard for us to turn on the radio without running into one of these bands that makes us cringe until our faces hurt.
The funny thing is most people will agree, and yet the radio stations continue to play Creed and Smash Mouth and all sorts of bad ’90s music we would just as soon forget. The best part: Most of these bands aren’t one-hit wonders, but rather bands that came out with one terrible song after another spoon fed to a bunch of free streaming radio listeners.
If you thought your day was going pretty well, it’s about to get better, as we give an honest reaction to guys who use the word “nookie” in real life, bands who ask us to hold their hand, and lead singers who give up and host shitty talk shows after getting sued for stealing money from bandmates (nice moves, Mark McGrath). Now, please enjoy.
The Most Brutally Terrible Bands of the ’90s Somehow Still Infect Our Brains
On a similar note: Ranking the Most Rocking Vocalists of ’90s Rock Music
Infectiously Worst 90s Bands
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Creed
Scott Stapp. Enough said. When "With Arms Wide Open" was streaming endlessly on the radio, we were trying to keep our ears completely shut.
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Sugar Ray
I saw Mark McGrath in concert once, running up the rows trying to get everyone to "fly" with him. You know, I don't think my feet ever left the ground. It was a free show and Simple Plan opened, so that probably didn't help things.
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Limp Bizkit
When you call sex "nookie," there's a fair chance you're never going to get laid. Luckily for Fred Durst, he had a lot of money and girls were really into dudes with red backwards hats and white guys trying to rap in the late '90s.
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Hanson
Everything was going fine until *mmmbop!* they hit puberty. Then their acne and cracking voices made them blend right in with the rest of us. Remember the SNL skit where Will Ferrell locks them in an elevator with their own music? Brilliant.
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Hootie & The Blowfish
Photo: via kickin925.com
Hootie probably asked us to hold their hand on the radio just about every day in the '90s. No, we don't want to hold your hand or let her cry or any other weird ideas you might have, Hootie. Now change your name.
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Smash Mouth
When we see people karaoke "All Star," our first thought is a curiosity as to why someone would want to sing the worst song ever written, played on the radio and sang by the most gigantic douchebag. Then I throw bread at that person to pay tribute.
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Green Day
You know, we loved Nimrod, and Dookie was pretty fantastic as well. Boy, it sure got a lot of air play. So much that it was on every goddamn station, and then the music kind of dipped a little, then a lot and yet they kept playing the goddamn songs. We're pretty sure "American Idiot" as a musical was the greatest idea ever, though.
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Counting Crows
Counting Crows had some good songs, as they should if they have 8-10 people playing instruments. A few more members and they could be the fracking Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
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Barenaked Ladies
Ironically it was never one week without that same song playing somewhere. There was no escaping it. I had to drop out of school and become a recluse at 14 just to avoid "One Week" for one week. You can imagine how disappointed I am today when I search for Barenaked Ladies and this guy's goofy mug pops up.
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Vertical Horizon
Photo: via fanart.tv
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