Photo: Jerod Harris (Getty Images for Lakewood Center).
HGTV has perfected the format of two people doing renovations to make more money than you or I will sniff in our lives. There are shows with married couples flipping houses (Fixer Upper), brothers flipping houses (Property Brothers), divorced couples flipping houses (Flip or Flop), and of course, adversaries flipping houses (Love It or List It).
All of these series have the same theme — fixing up a property to make someone some serious money. And the formula works. I get sucked into watching hours of this programming when it’s on. And it’s always on. So let’s rank these couples by chemistry, ratings, and enjoyability. Sure, “enjoyability” isn’t quantitative, but it’s my list, so whatever.
Ranking HGTV’s Working Duos
5. Love It or List It
Photo: HGTV
Former actress and interior designer Hilary Farr tries to convince people to stay in their home and just do some renovations. Meanwhile, real estate agent David Visentin shows the same people new properties that they don’t have to fix up. Thus, the people either “love” the renovations or “list” their house and move. I feel the premise of the show is a little flawed. The people either get a new house, or their home renovated. It’s pretty much win/win, right? Unless, of course, the renovations are done poorly and the show ends up getting sued.
The chemistry between Hilary and David seems forced, and more competitive than it needs to be. They are constantly taking shots at one another, which makes me cringe. It’s supposed to be reality TV, but plays more like a poorly written scripted show. It’s barely in the top 150 of cable TV show ratings, which is not nothing, but also not great. If I wanted to watch people bitch about the house they were living in, I’d just move back in with my parents.
4. Flip or Flop
Photo: Alexander Tamargo (Getty).
I watch this show any chance I get, not because it’s good, but because Christina El Moussa is so damn hot! This show features the definition of a rich douchebag, Tarek, and his insanely hot wife, Christina, buying piece of crap houses at auction, paying minorities to fix them up, and then profiting $100k. Tarek makes this show damn near unwatchable. He looks like a carrier of HPV. So I was happy when Christina decided to divorce him. The show had great ratings, but has apparently been canceled since they haven’t filmed anything since wrapping on Season 7. Being a middle class guy from Oklahoma, this show pisses me off every time they show how much they made. They buy some dump, sight unseen, then Tarek tries to do some work himself and inevitably screws it up worse. So he pays someone to fix it, and then they make more money than I make in two years. This show would/should be last on the list, but again, Christina is too hot to do that to.
Honorable Mention: Rehab Addict
Nicole Curtis is stunning. Sure, her show isn’t about couples flipping houses, in the traditional sense, but she’s a single mom and in some episodes you’ll see an appearance by her son. For this reason, she only gets an honorable mention. Nicole buys up old properties and restores them. She gets bonus points for doing most of the work herself. Unlike Tarek who often makes things worse, Nicole makes them better. She’s easy on the eyes and is a primetime HGTV star.
Also: 16 Reasons You Should Be Watching HGTV
3. Kitchen Cousins
Photo: Walter McBride/Corbis (Getty).
Cousins Anthony Carrino and John Colaneri work together in their family’s New Jersey construction company, where they fight like only cousins can about kitchen renovation projects. The guys are pretty funny, and I don’t hate anyone on the show, which can’t be said about the other shows. It was well reviewed when it premiered in 2011, but like Love It or List It, has been sued for doing shoddy work. Flip or Flop should probably swap places on this list with Kitchen Cousins, but as long as Tarek is on Flip or Flop, that show can burn in hell!
2. Property Brothers
Photo: Rommel Demano (Getty).
These twins started out as actors, but after failing to make a living doing that, they started to work in real estate. The show got its start in Canada and was then picked up by HGTV to great success. Twin brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott take people to look at crappy houses that are cheap, then Jonathan, who is a licensed contractor, renovates the property. Jonathan will often get the new homeowners involved in the demolition, and like Tarek, they often get in the way of professionals. This show is absolutely one of my favorites. I love the drama of Drew and Scott trying to come in under the budget or time frame, or homeowners get upset with them. It’s just great TV. If Christina from Flip or Flop were on this show, it would easily be number one.
1. Fixer Upper
Photo: Rob Kim (Getty).
Chip and Joanna Gaines have taken the HGTV world by storm. Much like Property Brothers, they renovate old houses for couples. Chip is a goofball and provides comic relief, while Joanna is more serious and serves as the project manager. They live on a farm in Texas and have, like, 29 kids. They apparently have a store in Waco and people take pilgrimages to it. I don’t understand all that, but I do know the show is fun to watch and their ratings blow these other shows out of the water. Chip is funny and capable as a contractor, and after they are done with a project, they don’t rub your nose in how much money they made off of it. Are you reading this Tarek? No one likes you and your bad at fixing things!
