For years, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been a staple of childhood entertainment and animation. Every generation seems to get their TMNT movies and television shows, but at the core, the concept is the same. Four turtles and a rat get exposed to something called “ooze” that causes them to mutate and have human-like qualities. We all know and love it, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some seriously disturbing and bizarre flaws to it. Some of them are simple, while others disrupt the entire core of the franchise. By no means am I trying to turn you off from the Ninja Turtles, because they’re an intricate part of my life and will continue to be forever. It’s just that, with anything you love, you look at it more critically than anything else and you find all of the flaws in it. This may seem harsh, but it’s actually a love letter to the turtles. Here are ten things that always bothered me about the beloved gang of sewer dwellers.
Heroes that were half baked is more like it.
Also: 23 Fun Facts About The ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Movie
Things About The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles That Never Made Sense
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Their Masks
Here's the thing: when you're a giant mutated turtle, it doesn't really matter if you're wearing a mask or not. No one is going to get you confused with a different giant mutated turtle. What exactly is that mask supposed to hide? "Ah, they'll have no idea it was me, just as long as I have this thin strip of brightly colored fabric across my eyes!"
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Their Trench Coats
I love that the turtles can walk around in public or go to the movie theater and no one notices their giant green heads and faces because they happen to be wearing trench coats. One glance at them and you'd know they were either turtles or real life versions of the Mucinex mascot.
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Their Van
The turtles want to be discreet, as we've seen from their constant disguises. Sp what vehicle do they choose to get around town? How about a van that not only looks like a giant turtle, but also SAYS THE WORD "TURTLES" across the front of it. Where do you even buy a vehicle like this?
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Krang
Krang is the mystery being that's basically a brain with a face and little arms. He needs to get around, so for some reason, they place him inside the body of the dumbest looking man you've ever seen. And on top of that, they put him in the belly and not up top at the head. Now everyone had to talk to the weird man's stomach? No thanks, pal.
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The Pizza
I get that they're teens and it would make them a little more relevant to other teens if they enjoyed pizza, but have you ever tried to feed a slice of pizza to an actual turtle? Of course not. Why would you ever do that? Don't feed pizza to turtles. That's really messed up. Turtles don't eat pizza.
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April O'Neil
It's normal to have a crush on someone new that comes into your life. That is, unless they're a completely different species and acting on any of these feelings would be an abomination to God and to science. Of course, this was the '90s when a child open-mouth kissed a grown woman in Blank Check, so who am I to judge?
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Their Belts
Yes, I know that this is a cartoon and that I'm a grown adult complaining about it, but what exactly are their belts holding up? They aren't wearing pants. Honestly, I'm just glad they don't have detailed genitals. I'll happily tolerate the belts in exchange for not seeing Leonardo's turtle dong.
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The Foot Clan
In the newer cartoons, the Foot Clan is made up of alien creatures, but in the original, they were just a bunch of guys. My question is this: who is making all of their costumes? Is someone going to Target and buying them in bulk? Is that a custom order? If so, that seems like a tremendous amount of money to spend on uniforms. Wait, is Shredder sewing them???
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Shredder's Outfit
Can we talk about how incredibly impractical this ensemble is for a sec? The guy has a metal plate over his mouth, so eating is going to be a nightmare. Then, he's got spikes on his hands AND shoulders, which means no matter where he sneezes, he's walking out of there with severe injuries. We get it, Shredder. You like sharp stuff. Tone it down just a bit.
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Master Splinter
So we're just going to sit here and not question the fact that a rat learned martial arts, then taught them to a bunch of turtles? Also, I'm fairly certain that at some point the turtles would have eaten the rat. That's just science. Watch Planet Earth and you'll see how interactions between turtles and rats truly play out.
