A government that censors art unwittingly reveals a lot about its fears. The following movies were such glaring no-no’s in these countries, that they banished them out of existence forever. Here’s to life in the Land of the Free, where a mere child of six could watch VH1’s “Dating Naked” from the comforts of cable.
1. Borat
Where: Kazakhstan
Why: According to authorities, it’s because Sacha Baron Cohen portrays Kazakhs as racist, sexist, homophobic (OK, they didn’t really care about that one) and grossly naïve to modern dignities such as crapping in a toilet instead of a plastic bag. The ban also cites Borat’s bragging over incest and rape. In 2012 however, the glorious nation publicly thanked Baron Cohen for boosting tourism ten-fold. (Photo credit: 20th Century Fox/Photofest)
2. Schindler’s List
Where: Malaysia
Why: The government put it thusly: “The story of the film reflects the privilege of virtues of a certain race only.” Malaysia also bemoaned depicting Jewish people in a positive light while casting Germans as cold, bloodless, blond-haired, blue-eyed soldiers of Satan. When officials approached Steven Spielberg with a compromise the lift the ban-contingent upon cutting key scenes of Jews being cool-Spielberg bellowed a “HELL NAW” and flew to Normandy to film his next movie. (Photo credit: Universal Pictures/ Photofest)
3. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut
Where: Iraq
Why: Saddam Hussein is cast as Satan’s lover, a loud and insufferably dickish man whose evil knows no bounds. A master manipulator, he often goads Satan into uncompromising and unfathomably uncomfortable sexual positions. And he always finishes first. So, Iraq took issue with the characterization of its beloved fifth president and banned the shit out of South Park. (Photo credit: Comedy Central/Photofest)
4. 2012
Where: North Korea
Why: North Korea’s founder and very first glorious dear leader Kim Il-sung celebrated his 100th birthday from the grave in 2012. It marked the centenary of his birth, a highly symbolic year, one late bespectacled mini-totalitarian Kim Jong-il declared to the masses would “open the grand gates to becoming a rising superpower.” His only obstacle? John Cusack.
The looming release of “2012” totally messed with lil’ Jong-il’s juju, fearing that it might induce hysteria across the notoriously superstitious nation. He preemptively banned the film from his majestic land of tulips and executions, and we’re still waiting on that national uprising. (Photo credit: Photofest/Sony Pictures Classics)
5. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Where: Thailand
Why: The National Film Board believed the Kevin Smith comedy could encourage copycats. Censors claim the film violated moral principles of Thailand, underscoring Jason Mewes’ full-frontal mule showing at the end. It begs the question why a country whose capital is dubbed “Sin City of Asia” would give two bowls of steamy brown rice over its content. (Photo credit: The Weinstein Company/Photofest)
6. The Simpson’s Movie
Where: Burma
Why: Because the Simpson’s have yellow skin. Racist much, Burma? The Motion Picture & Video Censor Board banned “The Simpson’s Movie” due to a bizarre edict stating colors yellow and red can’t be shown in movies. Apparently the board issues decrees randomly and arbitrarily, upping kowtowing ante in case anyone gets uppity and steps outta place. (Photo credit: Twentieth Century-Fox Film Corporation/Photofest)
7. Noah
Where: Saudi Arabia, Qatar, United Arab Emirates, etc.
Why: Fatwas-be-a-flyin’ when Darren Aronofsky’s film hit the big screen this year. Six countries deemed it totes sacrilege, noting contradictions to Islam and the personification of prophets in art. (Photo credit: Paramount Pictures/Photofest)
8. Memoirs of a Geisha
Where: China
Why: The novel of the same name went quietly uncontroversial, and the film featured some of China’s finest acting talent. But “Memoirs of a Geisha” would strike an emotional chord with many, set amid the Second Sino-Japanese War in which Chinese women were often sold into sexual slavery by the imperialist Japanese. It was “too sensitive” and received a “negative social response,” and some thought the film could breed anti-Japan sentiment. (Photo credit: Sony Pictures/Photofest)
9. The Departed
Where: China
Why: State-run film distributors felt it was unsuitable for the public. They didn’t appreciate the scene where Jack Nicholson sells stolen missile-guidance processors to the Chinese government. According to the AP, “Leaking U.S. technology to China is a sensitive political issue, and its portrayal in the movie likely worried the company’s executives.”
The Chinese offered to cut out a few scenes to lift the ban, but you can crop and chop and edit “The Departed” all you want and still have 120 minutes of gravely C-bombs being dropped in some dusky Southie bar where testosterone-addled lowlives and longshoremen congregate. (Photo credit: Warner Bros./Photofest)
10. Brokeback Mountain
Where: China
Why: When Heath Ledger mounted Jake Gyllenhaal and went full-blown jackhammer in that little mountain tent, Chinese censors collectively sighed, “No way in hell.” Homosexuality is still a fringe topic in the People’s Republic, such a taboo in fact that when they encounter it they hide it and suppress it and pray the gay away, much like your common closeted thought. (Photo credit: Focus Features/Photofest)
