What do you do when you’re looking for Boston Market but can’t find it? You guessed it: park your SUV in a Target parking lot, open up two containers of Vaseline, and rub one out.
Well, at least that’s what New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was allegedly doing when a 58-year-old woman parked her car next to his Cadillac Escalade on November 19th.
According to the East Hanover Township Police Department report:
As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males (sic) erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating.
When an officer arrived on the scene, he reported seeing Winslow “slouched in his seat and moving around.” Upon noticing the officer, Winslow moved into an upright position and told him he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.
The responding officer also noted seeing one empty bag of “K2 XXX,” eight empty containers of “Premium Funky Monkey,” and several packages labeled “Mr. Happy” that still had some happiness left inside. Winslow then told the officer he smoked the products because they were “legal” synthetic marijuana that the NFL doesn’t test for.
While Winslow wasn’t charged for punching his clown, he was booked on one count of possession of a controlled dangerous substance and has since pleaded not guilty.
It’s worth pointing out, however, that the officer also found two open containers of Vaseline on Winslow’s center console, which leads us to believe that either he is a pretty big guy or he was planning on having one hell of night in that Target parking lot.
(via East Hanover Township Police Department)
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