As you should already know, The Onion is one of the greatest sites on the Internet. They’ve been creating consistently hilarious content for 20+ years. So we thought we’d boil down their two decades of award-winning satire into a list of their 100 greatest headlines. Here they are.
100. Drugs Win Drug War (link)
99. Rural Nebraskan Not Sure He Could Handle Frantic Pace Of Omaha (link)
98. Welcome To T.G.I. Fridays! May I Annoy The Living Shit Out Of You? (link)
97. Taylor Swift Now Dating Senator Joseph McCarthy (link)
96. Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day (link)
95. Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time (link)
94. Fucking Loser At Movie All By Himself (link)
93. ‘I Am Under 18’ Button Clicked For First Time In History Of Internet (link)
92. Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving (link)
91. Study Reveals: Babies Are Stupid (link)
90. Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell (link)
89. Man Didn’t Expect Sex With Prostitute Would Be So Emotionally Fulfilling (link)
88. Showers With Girlfriend Increasingly Cleansing-Focused (link)
87. Everyone At Airport Delighted By Chubby Family Rapidly Waddling Toward Gate (link)
86. Fuck Everything, Nation Reports (link)
85. Secondhand Smoke Linked To Secondhand Coolness (link)
84. New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11 (link)
83. Loved Ones Recall Local Man’s Cowardly Battle With Cancer (link)
82. Ho, Ho, Ho! 9/11 Was An Inside Job! (link)
81. Alcoholic Father Disappointed In Pothead Son (link)
80. Prisoner Sort Of Expected To Get Raped More Often (link)
79. Woman Flattered Complete Stranger Would Say Something So Nice About Her Tits (link)
78. Area Woman Tired Of Men Staring At Her Breast Implants (link)
77. Everyone Involved In Pizza’s Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High (link)
76. Sudanese 14-Year-Old Has Midlife Crisis (link)
75. Man Prone To Lying Beds Woman Prone To Lying Prone (link)
74. Joe Biden Shows Up To Inauguration With Ponytail (link)
73. New Dog Digs Up Old Dog (link)
72. Area Man Finally Works Up Courage To Sexually Harass Secretary (link)
71. The World’s Most Powerful Women: We Make Them Discuss Fashion And Lindsay Lohan (link)
70. World Death Rate Holding Steady At 100 Percent (link)
69. Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show A Hit Among People Who Don’t Know That Pornography Exists (link)
68. You Meet The Most Interesting People Kicking Open Random Bathroom Stalls (link)
67. Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet (link)
66. Friends Of Band Regret Going To Show (link)
65. African-American Neighborhood Terrorized By Ask Murderer (link)
64. Friend Who Sent Link To 8-Minute YouTube Video Must Be Fucking Delusional (link)
63. Bathroom Smells Like Shit (link)
62. Study: Depression Hits Losers Hardest (link)
61. Free-Thinking Cat Shits Outside The Box (link)
60. Even CEO Can’t Figure Out How RadioShack Still In Business (link)
59. Drug Use Down Among Uncool Kids (link)
58. Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On (link)
57. Exercise Ball All The Way Over There (link)
56. Lance Armstrong Wants To Tell Nation Something But Nation Has To Promise Not To Get Mad (link)
55. Small Town Girl Makes Good Porn (link)
54. Romney Apologizes To Nation’s 150 Million ‘Starving, Filthy Beggars’ (link)
53. E! Gives Local Masturbator Inside Scoop On This Summer’s Hottest New Swimwear (link)
52. Starbucks To Begin Sinister ‘Phase Two’ Of Operation (link)
51. NASA Completes 52-Year Mission To Find, Kill God (link)
50. 6-Year-Old Cries When Told MTM Productions Kitten Dead By Now (link)
49. Your Kids: Are They Sexy Enough? (link)
48. Tony Womo Out Three To Four Weeks With Bwoken Widdle Fingey (link)
47. Pope Forgives Molested Children (link)
46. Thousands Turn Out For Empire State Building’s Annual No-Hassle Suicide Day (link)
