For most kids the TV is almost like a third parent. You’ve got your mom to take care of you, your dad to teach you the ropes and the TV to occupy you while they’re off doing important things like wearing suits and discussing facts and figures with other people wearing suits.
But while kids’ TV shows are oftentimes brightly-coloured, nonsensical fare, every now and again something slips through the radar that even a grown adult would find disturbing. Here are 7 prime examples of those kind of shows.
Peppermint Park
The straight-to-VHS atrocity Peppermint Park is noteable for featuring perhaps the worst puppets ever to grace a TV screen. That, and this clip of a terrifying bald monstrosity singing about how he’s blue cheese.
Jigsaw
Jigsaw was an inoffensive TV show that just happened to feature this demonic creation. Mr Noseybonk spent most of his time larking around, growing 11-inch sex toys and scaring the shit out of the children he was supposedly intended to entertain. Poor Mr Noseybonk.
The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Program
If you’ve ever wanted a puppet to sing a song about his tumultuous relationship with Robin Williams, now’s your chance. This low-budget, surreal public-access cable program was the brainchild of David Liebe Hart, who now appears in the Tim and Eric Awesome Show.
Los Dientes
There’s no background information on this one, which somehow makes it all the more terrifying. (In case you were wondering, they’re repeatedly saying “the teeth! The teeth!” in Spanish. Yep. Have fun trying to sleep tonight.)
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Although Courage the Cowardly Dog certainly had me looking under the bed before I went to sleep at night when I was a kid, it was still my favourite TV show, and for good reason. It’s fucking awesome. Just watch Naughty Fred here, steadily infiltrating his way into your nightmares, and remember that this show was for CHILDREN.
The Giant Rooster, Yoga, Hugging… Hippie Western Show?
I’m not sure what I’ve just watched but I’m pretty sure I now have to delete my internet history.
Circle Square
The creators of Circle Square clearly thought that the best way to spread the “joy” of Christianity was to get a bunch of glass-eyed pre-pubescent humanoids to sing at the camera, and guess what? It didn’t work. It turns out that 7-year-olds aren’t that easily persuaded, especially when the ones trying to persuade them look like they survive on the blood of virgins. Seriously, skip to 1:48 – are you telling me that this kid hasn’t made a few human sacrifices in his time?
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