Dear Mr. Smith: According to jokesters on Twitter, if “Jada doesn’t like jokes about alopecia… well, that’s hair loss.” Bam. A perfect example of the ripple effect being funnier than the joke. Because in all fairness, the original joke – that undercooked roast Chris Rock trotted out at the 94th Academy Awards – was a total stinker.
You’re right, making fun of the bald is uncalled for and has never been done in public. Not to mention, going off-prompter to single out a man’s open-relationship wife is a dubious proposition at best. But let’s not forget the truly important thing here: The joke referenced a movie that’s a quarter-century old. Like WTF? Did Chris Rock just stop watching movies after Titanic?
We all know the joke was weak. But that’s what makes the effect part of the cause-effect equation even more confusing. Why snap on a cheap shot? Why break on a bald-buster? Your response went overboard. And we’re not talking Kurt Russell kidnapping an amnesiac and tricking her into being his maid overboard. We’re talking something out of the Old Boy canon overboard.
Of course, we caught your requisite apology. Kudos. It’s important to have an assistant type up a boilerplate apology and post it on your socials after the internet frowns in your direction. We think that’s great. We’re not here to play the blame game or chauffeur anyone’s guilt trip. Au contraire. We’re here for the season of healing, and to be wishful thinkers, 100 percent willing to go back to that fateful Oscar night and replace Rock’s lame zinger with something far better (or worse, depending on where you’re sitting).
So, with that in mind, we hope you like these brand new, less slap-inducing options. And if you don’t, go take it up with Chris Rock. (Oh wait, you already tried that.)
Cover Photo: David Livingston (Getty Images)
Jada Pinkett Jokes
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Option 1 - The Quick Burn
Whoville called. They want their face back.
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Option 2 - Cerebral Parenting
The Pinkett Smiths. Good to see Hollywood's OG power couple back in the saddle...Wait a minute, if you're here, who's at home babysitting Jaden's pretentious thoughts?
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Option 3 - The Steamy Vag
Jada's here tonight. So if you notice a ghostly mist in the theater, don't worry it's not haunted. That's just Jada steaming her vagina.
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Option 4 - The Elephant In The Bedroom
Jada just celebrated her 50th birthday. But thanks to rejuvenation procedures, she has the honeypot of a much younger woman. Just ask August Alsina.
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Option 5 - Red Table Appetizers
Got invited to dinner at Jada's house. Pretty cool, right? But then I thought, 'Please don't let it be at the Red Table.' There's only so much gamey bullshit I can swallow before the soup and salad drop.
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Option 6 - Superego
Everyone knows Jada's a supermom. Wouldn't that make a great movie? I can see it now: Supermom, starring Will Smith.
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Option 7 - Plus One
Will Smith is here with his plus one. Hi and welcome. You look familiar. Like the angry version of someone I've met before.
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Option 8 - Sci-Ti
I love sci-fi movies. Space. Aliens. Intergalactic battles on faraway planets. Did you guys see Dune? Dune was a great movie. Jada, you see that? My bad, of course, you didn't! You're living it.
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Option 9 - Kid Friendly
Hollywood is tough on relationships. Jada, be honest. When was the last time you got jiggy with it? And was it as good as the music video?
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Option 10: The Chris Rock 2016 Callback
I loved The Matrix: Resurrections. That shit really got to me. Sometimes it feels like we're living in the Matrix though, too much impossible shit is happening. For example, Jada Pinkett at the Oscars? Is anyone else seeing this?
