So you’ve met a great girl. She’s sexy, smart, and fun to be around. Everything is going well. You’ve been spending all your free time together and texting when you’re apart. You follow each other on social media and leave quirky comments on each other’s posts. You even suspect you’re catching feelings. There’s just one problem: you’re still in the friendzone.
There are many reasons your relationship with this very special lady may have plateaued in a platonic state. Maybe she’s just not that into you. Maybe she has her eye on someone else. Maybe you’re an asshole. (Just kidding, we’re sure you’re one of the good ones.) In these cases, your alliance probably won’t ever evolve into something romantic.
But in other cases, all you need to turn a gal pal into a girlfriend is strategy and persuasion. (Not the Harvey Weinstein kind, guys.) That’s what we’re here for. Read on for The Mandatory Men’s Guide to Escaping the Friendzone (Without Getting Arrested).
Cover Photo: Paul Bradbury (Getty Images)
friend zone
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Get a life.
People want what they can’t have, so make yourself scarce – and mysterious while you’re at it!
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Increase touch and eye contact.
We aren’t talking about shoving your tongue down her throat with no warning. We’re talking about gently, gradually, increasing the amount of physical touch between you two. That could mean a shoulder squeeze, a hug goodbye, or a kiss on the cheek. If you’re unsure how your affection was received, ask, “Was that OK?” Eye contact is a basic social interaction tool; if you aren’t making frequent, sustained eye contact with her during conversations or outings, it might read as low self-esteem or disinterest.
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Make her laugh.
If you want to know how someone like Pete Davidson got someone like Kim Kardashian, we’re here to let you in on a little secret: laughter. That’s it. That’s all. A good sense of humor is better than Love Potion No. 9.
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Do new things together.
Friends can often let their standards flatline, especially around activities. Sure, eating ice cream together while you binge-watch The Bachelor is "fun," but it won’t make her swoon for you. Get her adrenaline and dopamine pumping with new, exciting experiences that will bond you together.
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Don’t be a 'yes' man.
Guys who are friends with the girl they want to bang tend to lose any and all individuality. They agree with whatever she says, go along with her plans, and never question or challenge her. Women don’t want doormats; they want partners in crime. So stop bending over backwards and try a little flirtatious banter, intelligent debate, verbal sparring, or playing devil’s advocate.
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Become the one she wants.
In all your time as her friend, she’s surely shared her turn-ons and turn-offs when it comes to guys she’s dated. Are there areas where you’re willing to transform? If she’s into dudes who do CrossFit, could you make fitness a priority? If she’s a vegan, are you willing to give up steak? The more compatible you two are, the more likely she’ll see you as a worthy candidate.
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Be upfront about your feelings.
You may think your intentions are obvious, but until you put it all out there in words, she might not know how much you actually care about her.
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Be patient.
If she’s always thought of you as just a good, platonic pal, she might need a little time to accept the new role you want to play in her life.
