Social distancing is a term we’re all familiar with now thanks to the coronavirus pandemic. But how are you supposed to stay 6 feet away from the people you love and/or live with? Luckily for us Americans, we have a social distancing role model (who also used to be a model) right in the White House: Melania Trump. The First Lady has shown us time and again how to maintain distance between ourselves and our nearest and dearest, whether that means physical space between bodies, using facial expressions to keep people at bay, or simply by being a recluse.
It’s no wonder that Mrs. Trump recently tested negative for COVID-19; you couldn’t find a person less at risk than she is for contracting the deadly disease. We tip our hats to you, Melania, and only hope that we can emulate your social distancing strategies in an effort to save ourselves. Scroll down for all of the First Lady’s social distancing hacks.
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Melania Trump Social Distancing
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Make resting bitch face your only face.
With a face like this, no one will ever approach you.
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Communicate non-verbally.
Talking is when those dangerous "droplets" escape. Speak with your facial expression instead.
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Never, ever hold hands.
Who knows how many pussies those hands have grabbed.
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Reject all kisses.
When your husband's mouth looks like an asshole, this isn't hard.
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Use protective eyewear.
In pandemic times, sunglasses are essential no matter what the weather.
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Always wear gloves.
The longer, the better.
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Do the air high-five.
Encourage others without subjecting yourself to their germs.
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Let another family member do the touchy-feely stuff.
Step-daughters you despise are perfect for this.
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Take your leave as quickly as possible.
Do not linger in group settings.
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Sleep your life away.
In separate bedrooms, of course.
