It’s come down to this: three old white men and a little lady sparring in a Super Tuesday brawl. Fourteen states hold primaries today and by nightfall, the field of Democratic presidential candidates should narrow substantially. Winnowed down already by withdrawals from Pete Buttigieg, Tom Steyer, and Amy Klobuchar over the past week, only four Democrats are relevant now to the 2020 presidential race: Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Mike Bloomberg, and Elizabeth Warren. Americans love to put white geezers in power.
Unlike Three Men and a Baby, which was a thoroughly entertaining ‘80s comedy, Super Tuesday coverage will be long, drawn-out, and devoid of surprises and laughs. There may be tears and (adult) diaper blowouts, though. Unfortunately, the soundtrack for political events always sucks, so again reality pales to Hollywood. (Which makes us wonder why we even bother paying attention. ‘80s movies are really where it’s at.)
It’s pretty easy to predict that Biden and Sanders will be duking it out for the mighty haul of delegates, while Warren will likely have to suspend her campaign after lackluster showing in previous caucuses and primaries. Mike Bloomberg, who has remained off the ballot up to this point (but dropped a whopping $500 million on ads in the meantime), could be considered a wild card, but come on. Nobody takes the billionaire and not-so-subtle racist seriously. If the presidency could be bought, we’d already have a billionaire in office. (Oh, wait.) We all know you need Russia to win this thing, and Bloomberg definitely doesn’t have Putin’s endorsement.
Stay tuned as the geriatric slog to the White House continues, and catch up on some more weird news while you’re waiting for the results to come in!
Cover Photos: Scott Olson / Staff, Mario Tama / Staff, Chip Somodevilla / Staff, and Joe Raedle / Staff (Getty Images)
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