The first impression your date has when they walk in the door can make or break your chances of a successful tryst. Set yourself up for the win by following these nine essential rules of sexy decor. Psychologically tested and scientifically proven, these easy-to-procure elements will tie any room together with the string from Cupid’s bow. Just be prepared to keep the soufflé on hold and the champagne on ice because things are about to heat up.
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Sexy Decor
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A Vacuum
Nothing screams clean and tidy like a vacuum just sitting out in the middle of the room. It will let your guest know you're the kind of person who plans on vacuuming soon.
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One or More Teddy Bears
Having a stuffed animal or two can really be an icebreaker and showcase your inner child at heart. The sight of a smiling teddy will lead to instant feelings of warmth and fuzziness. Bonus points if it's an actual relic from your childhood, with stains and all.
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A Respectable Collection of Books
They say the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. Having a diverse collection of books like Harry Potter and Fifty Shades of Grey will let everyone know that you know what's up.
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At Least One Healing Crystal
When someone enters your living space for the first time and spots a healing crystal, they will instantly feel the transformational energy emanating. Thoughts like, "kindred soul," and "spiritual warrior," will form and elevate your bond like that (sound of fingers snapping).
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A Normal Amount of Taxidermy
Who doesn't like a beautiful living thing, now dead, and rendered immortal as a stuffed and sewn legacy piece? Just don't overdo it because there's a tasteful sweet spot when it comes to preserving carcasses.
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A Living Thing Like a Plant or Goldfish
Aside from the highly attractive dead things you've placed around your room, a few living things can balance things out nicely. Consider a succulent or a companion like a goldfish to underscore how you've got your shit together enough to take care of another living thing.
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A Pop of Color, Like Red
Studies show that unexpected pops of color razzle dazzle the mind. If red is the Pepé Le Pew of sensual colors, pink is his less aggressive cousin. See what works for you.
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An X Factor
Finally, make sure your room has something special that says something special about you. Whether it's a collection of bottle caps or a wall-sized portrait of Gordon Ramsay, this added wow factor will set you apart from the pack and linger deep in your date's memory long after they leave your house.
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A Giant Black Light Panther Poster Made of Velvet
The truth is, if you have an awesome panther poster made of velvet that lights up like the Fourth of July, then nothing else matters. You've just jumped right to the front of the love line. Check and mate.
