More like Beverly Hills 9021-ut-oh, right? Right?!
During the ’90s, millions of young viewers anxiously waited every week to see the new episode of Beverly Hills 90210. The groundbreaking prime-time teen soap opera followed Minnesota twins Brandon (Jason Priestley) and Brenda Walsh (Shannen Doherty) as they adjusted to life among the rich and despicably shallow students of West Beverly Hills High. Over its 10-year run, the show touched on serious topics like alcohol and drug abuse, estranged parents, and navigating sex. The melodramatic acting, outrageous fashion, and adult themes spoke to Gen X teens unlike any other television program had up until that point.
Now, over 19 years after it went off the air, Beverly Hills 90210 is getting a six-episode reboot, BH90210, on Fox starting Aug. 7. (Spoiler alert: there will be Botox.) Why anyone thought that bringing this show back was a good idea, we don’t know, because we’re still trying to figure out these 13 things that never made sense on the original Beverly Hills 90210.
Cover Photo: 90210 Productions
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Why the Walshes say they’re from Minneapolis.
In the opening credits of one of the early episodes of the show, a mail carrier delivers the Walsh family’s forwarded mail…with the previous address crossed out on the front. It reads: Minneapolis, Minnesota, 55348. We guess they couldn’t afford a fact-checker on the show, because that’s the zip code for Maple Plain, Minnesota, population 1,824. It’s a 40-minute drive west of the “Mini-Apple.” Please, stop saying you’re from Minneapolis when you’re a pampered suburbanite at best and a country bumpkin at worst.
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Why they're always at the beach.
Beverly Hills is not near the beach. It's not even within walking distance of the beach. Nope. It's a solid 30-minute drive to the beach in Santa Monica. The actual Walsh family home was even farther away from the sand and surf; it was located in Altadena.
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How Brandon and Brenda could possibly be twins.
Yeah, we know, they're paternal twins, but still. Were these really the only two competent actors for these roles? They couldn't have even matched hair color? Come on.
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Why Andrea is so old.
Gabrielle Carteris, at 29, was the oldest actor cast as a teen at the start of the show. Apparently, she lied about her age to get the role of Andrea, but, um, she didn’t fool any of the viewers. She wasn’t the only adult in the mix, though; Ian Ziering was 28 at the time he was cast as 16-year-old Steve (his receding hairline gave him away) and Luke Perry’s weathered face was far beyond the typical sun damage of a 90210 resident. Seventeen-year-old Brian Austin Green (David Silver) was really the only age-appropriate casting choice.
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The fashion.
We know the '90s weren't the height of fashion, but, really, the wardrobe on this show was one eyesore after another.
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That hair.
How Dylan defied the laws of gravity with that hair, we'll never know. But we applaud it. And we miss it.
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Why Brandon and Brenda are incestuously close.
We don't know how you close you were with your siblings during adolescence, but we sure never acted as lovey-dovey with them as Brandon and Brenda do with each other. Minnesotans aren't known for their physical affection, so the touchy-feely dynamic between these two can't be blamed on their roots. Beyond the questionable physical boundaries, they're over-sharers, too, going so far as to check in with one another about whether or not they'd lost their virginity yet. Every time they were in a room alone together, we got that creepy-crawly feeling. Eww.
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Why Brandon is so freakin' stupid.
He's good looking, but boy, is he stupid. Every time Brandon opens his mouth, we have to restrain ourselves from smashing the TV. To add insult to injury, he's the kind of idiot who gives long, self-involved soliloquies. (Please, put us out of our misery.) Yet somehow women are always hitting on, stalking, or sending flowers to him. We just don't get it.
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How David ever got into the fold.
Seriously. This dude?
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Why Donna's name changed.
In season one, Donna Martin identified herself as Donna Morgan at a DJ audition. In that same season, her mom was named Nancy; by season two, it was Felice (and played by an entirely different actress). Identity crisis much?
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Why there's always ample parking at West Beverly Hills High.
On the first day of school, Brandon and Brenda Walsh pull easily into a parking space at West Beverly Hills High (student body: 1,800). If you've ever been in a high school parking lot, you know there's nothing simple and smooth about it. You're more likely to get rear-ended or run over than you are to find a close, convenient parking space.
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Whatever this is.
We have no idea what's going on here, either.
