Photo: chendongshan (Getty Images)
With April being National Pet Month, it’s a good time to take a look at what animals make the best pets. While the right animal can be the perfect companion, the wrong one will make your life hell. Choose wisely.
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Every animal has upsides and downsides, but some are more suited to living with people than others — namely, the ones that don’t try to eat us. Here are the best and worst animals you can adopt for National Pet Month.
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Pets Ranked
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1. Dogs
A classic for a reason. Dogs give their unconditional love to anyone. Their floppy ears and wagging tails just scream "pettable." Sure, many are less than brilliant, but they make up for it with enthusiasm. Despite all their damn barking, nothing beats a dog.
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2. Cats
Cats don’t really care about you. They’ll begrudgingly accept other pets sometimes, but most aren't happy about it. Their aloofness is a feature, not a bug, as they are very low maintenance. As long as you don’t mind scooping poop and buying them food, they'll accept your presence. Just don't put a cucumber behind them.
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3. Fish
These silent companions are great to just look at. Don’t try to pet them, and definitely don’t get too attached. They can be gone in a blink. However, their completely chill nature combined with the incredible array of colors and sizes means a fish tank can be a technicolor display. Plus, fish tanks have a calming bubbling that can make your room feel like a tiny Zen garden.
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4. Rodents
These rodents are friendly enough, but they also love to escape and can be a little bitey (but who can’t?). They aren’t high up in affection but are fine for a snuggle here and there. They also remind us of the futility of life by running constantly in a wheel, but never getting anywhere. Almost like life.
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5. Lizards
While not as menacing or primal as a snake, lizards have their own unique charm. They love to sit around and eat bugs. So yeah, lizards are a very low-maintenance pet. They also don’t make any noise but require their habitats to be just right. So if you’re in a cold area, prepare to spend some money on electricity keeping these (mainly) desert-dwelling creatures toasty.
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6. Snakes
Proving mankind is hellbent on defying god, snakes would eat you in a second if given the chance. They don’t show affection and their favorite food is another mammal. Snakes are pets in the same way that alligators are, in that they will respect you until they can eat you.
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7. Bird
Loud, angry and bitter, birds will constantly blame you for the fact they can no longer fly away and will take that frustration out on your sanity. They will squawk, screech, and make a ruckus for no good reason. Also, some live for 80 years. They’re beautiful, but also kind of terrifying.
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8. Spider
Eight legs, hundreds of eyes, and the desire to crawl into your mouth at night. Hard pass.
