Header Photo: FRED TANNEAU/AFP (Getty) / brent (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 2-10-17
Just got my daughter’s report card and I’m pretty upset about the grade she got in Sex pic.twitter.com/G9CtMGPHWB
— It’s Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) February 2, 2017
I started crying in class because I tried to draw a chameleon from memory pic.twitter.com/5c1KOAayta
— splenda daddy (@Alex_jonsie) January 30, 2017
Congrats to the Atlanta Falcons for not having to take a photo with the president.
— James Fritz (@fritzisdead) February 6, 2017
On god I thought she was grabbing sis wig for a min pic.twitter.com/dhuZTOeBNs
— 3/12 (@HoesLoveGLO) February 7, 2017
someone please give jon hamm a gig so i don’t have to watch him sell tax software anymore
— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) February 5, 2017
Hi uh there’s a minivan parked on my block that has a couple dozen VHS tapes of the motion picture SPEED on the dashboard pic.twitter.com/xXlMAnigHw
— Emily Hughes (@emilyhughes) February 2, 2017
[wife sees derek jeter crying and slamming bedroom door]
“what’s wrong with derek jeter?”
she’s still upset we named her after derek jeter— brent (@murrman5) September 1, 2014
Worst haircut ever @GreatClips never going back there employees who were to busy trying to finish quick and clockout pic.twitter.com/1Wxc4EPf3u
— ethan e (@JetiJig) January 11, 2015
when someone is following u too close u can “Brake Check” them by stomping on ur brakes, & let them slam into ur car & ur body as a warning
— Well Adjusted Pal (@unsuiii) January 31, 2017
You want us to purchase a custom meal plan but you don’t know when uncooked chicken is done?! pic.twitter.com/unYIjMgVDS
— K a r i o. (@karrry_) February 8, 2017
white people gonna be shocked when they make it to heaven & Jesus looks like the refugees they turn away, & not like a 4th member of Hanson.
— Jar Jar Bindz (@BindzBrain) February 4, 2017
Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you pic.twitter.com/qCoF30eEWK
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) February 7, 2017
Mock my Aqua Net if you must, but show me another hairspray that can lock down this much style and also seal off a stab wound.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) August 1, 2016
She’s pregnant with twins. https://t.co/SwqMuPE1AK
— Stereo Williams (@stereowilliams) February 3, 2017
selling things on craigslist pic.twitter.com/IdbqqdlQmD
— rudy mustang (@roostermustache) September 27, 2016
The five words President Trump has heard the most. @realDonaldTrump @seanspicer pic.twitter.com/QorMENYBaz
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) February 2, 2017
I just want you to know that everything negative anyone has ever said about me is fake. Family, friends, strangers. Everything. Lies. Huge.
— Mike Falzone (@MikeFalzone) February 6, 2017
The people calling everyone “snowflakes” have been deeply offended by a Broadway show, a coffee shop, SNL, a Star Wars movie, and a beer ad.
— Rob Daviau (@robdaviau) February 5, 2017
Oh my god, look at this gravestone in the cemetery by our house. Oh my god. pic.twitter.com/akLBz9lA4v
— Your Main Man Dave (@daveswebsite) February 4, 2017
having fun online pic.twitter.com/4k9LjlojqY
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) February 4, 2017
