We’ve heard before that the Willamette River is beautiful, but this is ridiculous.
According to KPTV, a 31-year-old naked man was arrested Saturday afternoon because he was “masturbating in plain sight of people” on the edge of a cliff bank along the Willamette River in Oregon City.
Police said Ernest Kirk was butt naked and punching his clown on a cliff bank 75 feet below the Oregon City-West Linn Bridge and continued to masturbate for several minutes even after they arrived on the scene.
But as a Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office boat approached him, Kirk fell into the river and had to be rescued in what we can only assume was the worst day ever for those responding officers.
Kirk was first sent to a local hospital for a medical evaluation and was charged with public indecency, harassment, and a parole violation.
Police said Kirk appeared to be under the influence of an unnamed controlled substance. For Kirk’s sake, and really for all of humanity’s sake, we hope that was the case.
They must have the same drugs on the East Coast: Drunk Man Crashes Into Restaurant Then Gets Out and Masturbates
