The Mandatory Hand Guide to Properly Applying Hand Sanitizer (Since the CDC Suggests You’re Doing It Wrong)

Everything you think you know about hand sanitizer is wrong. At least, that is, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control). According to a new-ish report that came out, you’re supposed to wash your hands for 20 seconds (or for the duration of the chorus to “Hit Me Baby One More Time”), but you’re actually supposed to sanitize your hands for up to 30 seconds, or until your hands are dry. This means you should no longer rub the remnants on your jeans, lest you sacrifice proper hand sanitation.

So in light of this new, vital information (that just recently came out, even though we definitely could’ve used the advice back in March), we have decided to provide our own handy-dandy (heh) guide to good hand hygiene.

Note: This is a work of satire. At no point should you ingest any sort of cleaning product. (Only a complete idiot would suggest that.) Use hand sanitizer as directed on the product’s label.

Cover Photo: Marko Geber (Getty Images)

Touching hands: This Coronavirus-Fighting Device Guarantees You’ll Wash Your Hands Long Enough, If You Finally Decide to Wash Them at All

MORE WEIRD NEWS:

DIY: Tito’s Vodka Urges Drinkers Not to Use Its Booze as Hand Sanitizer (But You Should Definitely Stockpile It for Your Quarantine)

Follow Mandatory on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.