The Mandatory Holiday Guide to Giving a Perfectly Naughty White Elephant Gift This Year
Each year you agree to do a white elephant gift exchange before realizing you have to hunt down a funny gift. Instead of waiting until the last minute and wrapping up a pair of your own athletic socks (seriously, socks?) get your white elephant shopping done early. Not only that, you won’t even need to leave the comfort of your own home because we’ve crunched the data and compiled a list of perfect white elephant gifts that are as memorable as they are deplorable.
Photo: dszc (Getty Images)
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DIY Vasectomy Kit
The only thing better than asking why the hell a DIY Vasectomy Kit exists is giving it as a gift.
'Porn For Women of a Certain Age'
Really give her the gift money can't buy with Porn For Women of a Certain Age. Her wildest fantasies will be explored in this book, including fan favorites like handsome hotties insisting she retire early, delighting in the silver in her hair, and (best of all) taking over the cooking and cleaning.
CreepyParty Super Realistic Dog Mask
Give the creepiest white elephant gift this season with CreepyParty's Super Realistic Dog Mask. When you see the confused look on their face as they open your gift, you'll confirm this is the best $24 you ever spent.
Pop It Pal - The Official Pimple Popping Toy with Refillable Pimple Pus
Give the grossest stress reliever money can buy with The Pop It Pal: The Official Pimple Popping Toy that comes with refillable "pimple pus." This puts the gag in gag gift.
Don't Die In The Woods World's Toughest Ultralight Survival Tent
Save your derelict friends from trying to make it home after a night of hard drinking with Don't Die in the Woods World's Toughest Ultralight Survival Tent. It's the white elephant gift no one wants but needs anyways.
'Everything I Want to Do Is Illegal: War Stories From the Local Food Front'
You already know the perfect person to give Joe Salatin's wildly entertaining book, Everything I Want to Do Is Illegal: War Stories from the Local Food Front. P.S. It's you.
Cereal Marshmallows 8 Pounds Bulk
Outdo every gift of all time with 8 Pounds of Cereal Marshmallows. And they say the perfect gift doesn't exist.
'The Big Lebowski' - Time: Man of the Year Bar Mirror
For less than $30, you can give the white elephant gift of a lifetime with 'The Big Lebowski' - Time: Man Of The Year Bar Mirror. Make sure to stare deep into it before you wrap it to sear it with your Man of the Year essence.
500 For Rectal Use Only Stickers
These For Rectal Use Only Stickers are the perfect white elephant gift for anyone without self-control. Plus, with permanent adhesive backing, they're the gift that keeps on giving.
Nicolas Cage Pillowcases
Nothing wows audiences quite like the hypnotic gaze of Nic Cage, which is why this two-pack of Nicolas Cage Pillowcases will top any other white elephant gift.
GroomingLounge.com's The 'Quid Pro Quo' Kit
GroomingLounge.com has compiled quite the gift for both the impeachment proceedings and the holiday season with The 'Quid Pro Quo' Kit. The lucky recipient of this white elephant gift will get:
Together, this kit will ensure they're shaved, shorn, and ready for impeachment!
Photo: Grooming Lounge
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What’s the best white elephant gift you’ve ever given or received? Do any of the ones on our list put yours to shame? Let us know in the comments!
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